NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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