If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
