dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
