Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
