To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
