the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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