I wannas sexs uuuuu
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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