i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
