He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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