We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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