i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
