I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
