You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
