I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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