I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
