i think my tv is drunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
please come you make the beer taste better
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
