doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
