Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
