i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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