Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
