Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
