I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
