oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
