are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
