Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
