Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
