Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch