dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.