ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!