I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off