it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?