Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.