I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
