ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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