don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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