I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
