At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
