I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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