Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
