ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
