That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
