WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
