Duck Duck Cougar?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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