I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
