i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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