oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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