btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize