Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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