im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
