Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
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Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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