Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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