I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Less talking, more tequila
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
