i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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