Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
