The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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