This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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