So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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