Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
