I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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