you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
