Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
