high people should be assigned attendants
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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