My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pants are for mortals
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
