My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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