Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
