They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
