I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
