Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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