He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
