This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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