I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do vagina's smell?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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