did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
