Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
