I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
