Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
