it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize