dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
