you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
