I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
