apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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